The Road to Character

Every now and then you read a book at just the right time.  I had the good fortune of picking up David Brooks’ The Road to Character during a season in which I was grappling with some of the deeper values that should inform our lives.  Brooks—op-ed columnist for The New York Times, Yale professor, and author—supplied the words I was unable to articulate and helped me expand my thinking about how strong character is cultivated.

Brooks offers a critical analysis of contemporary society and challenges us to rebalance the scales between our “resume virtues” – achieving wealth, fame, and status – and the “eulogy virtues” that exist at the core of our being: kindness, bravery, honesty, and faithfulness.  Some of my favorite quotes:

·      “While Adam I wants to conquer the world, Adam II wants to obey a calling to serve the world.”

·      “Thankfulness,” the Archbishop of Canterbury, Michael Ramsey, said, “is a soil in which pride does not easily grow.”

·      “Truly humble people are engaged in a great effort to magnify what is best in themselves and defeat what is worst, to become strong in the weak places.”

·      “We are all built from ‘crooked timber.’”

·      “Today, teachers tend to look for their students’ intellectual strengths, so they can cultivate them.  But a century ago, professors tended to look for their students’ moral weaknesses, so they could correct them.”

·      “A successful marriage is a fifty-year conversation getting ever closer to that melding of mind and heart.”

·      “All love is narrowing.  It is the renunciation of other possibilities for the sake of one choice.”

·      “To be healed is to be broken open.”

·      “We don’t become better because we acquire better information.  We become better because we acquire better loves.”

·      “There are bugs in our souls that lead us toward selfishness and pride, that tempt us to put lower loves over higher loves.”

·      “The mental space that was once occupied by moral struggle has gradually become occupied by the struggle to achieve.  Morality has been displaced by utility.”

·      “You become more disciplined, considerate, and loving through a thousand small acts of self-control, sharing, service, friendship, and refined enjoyment.”

·      “The goal of leadership is to find a just balance between competing values and competing goals.”

Through biographical sketches Brooks explores how, through internal struggles and a sense of their own limitations, some have built a strong inner character:

·      Labor activist Frances Perkins (The Summoned Self) understood the need to suppress parts of herself so that she could be an instrument to a larger cause.  She was willing to soil her hands in politics in order to get things done in community service. 

·      Dwight Eisenhower (Self-Conquest) organized his life not around impulsive self-expression but considered self-restraint, “fueled by passion and policed by self-control.”

·      Dorothy Day (Struggle), a devout Catholic convert and champion of the poor, learned as a young woman the vocabulary of suffering, simplicity, and surrender.  She wanted not only to do good but to be good, to live a life that was as pure as possible.

·      George Marshall (Self-Mastery), soldier become statesman, was driven by his desire to contribute significantly to a cause greater than himself.  Dogged in his self-discipline, his interactions with others were marked by politeness and integrity.

·      Philip Randolph (Dignity) established a certain model for how to be a civil rights leader.  His incorruptibility, reticent formality, and above all his dignity, made it impossible to humiliate him.

·      Novelist George Eliot (Love) displayed an intense intellectual honesty, an arduous desire to live according to the parameters of her conscience, and amazing bravery in the face of social pressure – made possible by her love for George Lewes, which both lifted and deepened her.

·      Augustine (Ordered Love) once believed that you can arrive at fulfillment by your own efforts, only to discover true fulfillment once he renounced worldly pleasures to live for Christ.  He learned one of the things you have to do in order to receive grace is to renounce the idea that you can earn it.

·      Ever aware of his own egotism, self-centeredness, and self-deception, Samuel Johnson (Self-Examination) arduously attacked his own weaknesses.  He investigated the world with unblinking honesty, wrestling with matters of utmost importance in order to become his desired self.

Finally, Brooks offers this Humility Code:

1.     We don’t live for happiness; we live for holiness.

2.     Proposition one defines the goal of life. 

3.     Although we are flawed creatures with an innate tendency toward selfishness, we are also splendidly endowed.

4.     In the struggle against our own weakness, humility is the greatest virtue. Humility is having an accurate assessment of your own nature and your own place in the cosmos.

5.     Pride is the central vice.

6.     Once the necessities for survival are satisfied, the struggle against sin and for virtue is the central drama of life.

7.     Character is built in the course of your inner confrontation.

8.     The things that lead us astray are short term—lust, fear, vanity, gluttony.  The things we call character endure over the long term—courage, honesty, humility.

9.     No person can achieve self-mastery on his or her own.

10.  We are all ultimately saved by grace.

11.  Defeating weakness often means quieting the self.

12.  Wisdom starts with epistemological modesty.

13.  No good life is possible unless it is organized around a vocation.

14.  The best leader tried to lead along the grain of human nature rather than go against it.

15.  The person who successfully struggles against weakness and sin may or may not become rich and famous, but that person will become mature.

The Road to Character worked its way beneath my skin, helped me rethink my own priorities, and encouraged me to continue to develop a soul marked by humility and inner depth.

Every Leader Needs Someone to Speak Truth into Her or His Life

When one gains a position of influence and authority, it al­most always means that fewer people are willing to tell you the truth. This happens for several reasons, including a desire to im­press the leader, to gain the favor of the leader, to avoid the lead­er’s negative response to the truth, or because people genuinely hold the leader in such high esteem that they think the leader’s actions must be right.

God provided just about every king with a prophet to keep him honest, or at least so he would be without excuse. Saul had Samuel, Ahab had Elijah, Hezekiah had Isaiah, Herod had John the Baptist, Barak Obama had FOX News, and David had Nathan. Nathan told David the truth tactfully, privately, and effectively. He drew David in with a story. Disarmed, David walked right into the truth.

While many leaders are prone to avoid conflict, one cannot di­minish the importance of confrontation. We all need people in our lives who will tell us the truth. Kings need prophets to keep them honest, just as leaders need truth-tellers to keep them honest.

If God has called you to confront sin, do so humbly, coura­geously, and artfully. Do so at the right time (diplomatically), in the right way (tactfully), with the right words (truthfully), and with the right attitude (humbly).

Unfortunately, it is possible to build an organizational struc­ture, or to create an organizational culture, in which it is all but impossible for a prophet to be heard, or to survive. There may be times when you need to confront others with their sin. Or, there may be times when others need to confront you with your sin. If so, may you have the courage of Nathan in the one case and the honesty of David in the other.

 

Leadership Lesson #82.  Excerpted from: Who’s Got Your Back? Leadership Lessons from the Life of King David (Kansas City: Beacon Hill Press, 2014) 

 

Final Cover.jpg

Musings on Leadership: The Question of Scale

I am blessed with opportunities to regularly observe leaders – some of whom are effective leaders and some of whom are ineffective leaders.  Here are some recent musings about what makes some leaders more effective than others.

The question of Leadership and Scale.  Are levels of leadership just a matter of scale?  Or, are there certain skill sets needed for certain levels of leadership? 

If the task of leadership is to accurately assess and respond to present threats and opportunities facing the group being led and to appropriately prepare for future threats and opportunities, can the effective leader of a small town be the effective leader of a state, or even of a nation?  Is leadership the same regardless of scale? 

The task of leadership (being willing and able to accurately assess and respond to present threats and opportunities and to appropriately prepare for future threats and opportunities) and even the essence of leadership (character and competence) may remain the same across scale.  However, the effectiveness of leadership also depends on the leader’s ability to function well within a particular leadership context (Start-Up, Turn-around, or Realignment situation; volunteer or paid workforce; etc.).  The needed abilities of effective leaders can differ significantly across scale.  The challenge of scale is that it demands a corresponding capacity to respond effectively in a unique context. 

Can the effective leader of a small town be the effective leader of a state?  It is possible, as long as the leader is able to competently perform the task of leadership, appropriately reflect the essence of leadership, and perhaps most challenging, obviously thrive in the context of leadership.  Effective leaders do all three.

For more on leadership, see  Who’s Got Your Back? Leadership Lessons from the Life of King David (Kansas City: Beacon Hill Press, 2014) and Who's By Your Side? More Leadership Lessons from the Life of King David (Kansas City: Beacon Hill Press, 2016).

The Importance of Good Information

In order to make good decisions, it is important to have good information.

 Perhaps the greatest threat to David’s kingship was the rebellion instigated by his own son, Absalom.  As Absalom’s revolt gains momentum, David realizes that good information will be imperative if he is to make good decisions; indeed, if he is to survive.  Hushai, Abiathar, Zadok, Ahimaaz, and Jonathan provide David with a network of spies who are key to the flow of valuable data and military intelligence.

To make good decisions, leaders need information that is both reliable and relevant. That information needs to be delivered in an opportune fashion in order to allow decisions to be made in a timely and prudent manner. This is why organizations invest significant resources in research and the gathering of data.

It is also important to note that even bad news can often provide good information. Bad news—if it is reliable and relevant—can prompt prudent responses that keep bad news from becoming worse news.  Leaders have to actively pursue accurate information, and avoid behavior that makes people hesitant to provide accurate information—especially when it is bad news.  Leaders who respond poorly to bad news often find themselves without the information they need.

Accurate information, delivered in a timely manner, is imperative to leadership success.

Excerpt taken from Eddie Estep, Who’s By Your Side? More Leadership Lessons from the Life of King David (Kansas City: Beacon Hill Press, 2016).

Sons

Every man should be blessed with sons.  I’ve just spent a few days with my two, and I’m the better for it. 

Josh, Jeff, and I have a ton of shared experiences and mutual memories – “Guys Trips” every summer, hundreds of ballgames, teaching them how to throw a baseball, drive a car, catch a fish, read a map, tie a tie, and treat a lady.

My two sons are now grown men, mature, with responsibilities.  You could drop one of them into almost any wilderness and he could survive.  You could drop the other into almost any world city and he could survive.  Together they are a barrel of laughs and a boatload of winsome confidence (a character attribute instilled by their mother).   I never tire of being with them.

The Bible says, “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.  Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth” (Psalm 127:3-4).  My boys are both straight arrows, and pretty sharp.  I’m proud of them and the men they have become. 

On good days I see me in them - their physical features, gestures, mannerisms.

On better days I see them in me – their authenticity, genuineness, curiosity about life, and genuine concern for others.

Like all sharp arrows, my boys have the capacity to sting you if you grow careless around them.

They can be merciless.  Josh and Jeff have studied me for nearly 30 years and I sometimes fear they know me better than I know myself.  When they humorously imitate me they become mirrors in which my idiosyncrasies are highlighted - usually to my great discomfort.  They confront me with myself and force me to laugh at the caricature.  I hope one day their own sons will return the favor.  I especially look forward to the day they muse under their breath, “I’ve become my dad.”   (An experience I find myself having with increasing frequency.)

I think the days a man feels closest to God are the days he has the opportunity to say, “You are my son.  I’m proud of you.  I love you.”

 

Advisors: Of Counsel and Character

I've been thinking about the President-elect's opportunity to select his cabinet - those men and women who will be his closest advisors.  It is interesting to watch the process unfold, and would be fascinating to be able to peek behind the scenes and see the inner workings of the decision-making and selection process.

The character of an advisor is often indicative of the quality of her/his advice.  We see this often in Scripture, but never so clearly as in the case of Jonadab advising Amnon regarding Tamar (2 Samuel 13).   

This whole, sordid story begins because Amnon listens to bad advice. Ever looking for an opportunity to ingratiate himself with the man who will one day be king, Jonadab guises himself in a cloak of concern when he observes Amnon’s anxious, disheveled appearance. He no doubt believes that helping Amnon get what he wants will result in Jonadab getting what he wants—the perks and power associated with being in the future king’s inner circle.

Jonadab’s deceitful plan is only a reflection of what is in his heart. Deceiving David and violating Tamar are deemed justifiable if the result is Amnon’s satisfaction.

The character of your friends is often indicative of the quality of their advice. Leaders can quickly get themselves in trouble by selecting advisers based on competence alone, without considering character. The fruit of Jonadab’s bad character is bad advice. A generation later, Rehoboam, the son of Solomon, will also seek advice from the wrong kind of friends.  The consequences of that advice, like Jonadab’s, will prove devastating.

Leaders need advisers with good character. Such advisers can offer counsel that has the best interests of the organization in mind, rather than guidance that has the best interests of the adviser in mind.

If the advice you receive comes from a person of bad character, you would be wise to reconsider before implementing that person’s advice. If the advice you receive entails the deception or violation of another, you would be wise to completely ignore that person’s advice.

The kind of advice you seek also reveals your own character. You can always find someone who will validate your desires and tell you what you want to hear. Only strong leaders value truth more than the validation of their own opinions and desires.

Beware of counsel offered by persons of bad character, for the fruit of bad character is bad advice. 

Excerpt taken from Eddie Estep, Who’s By Your Side?: More Leadership Lessons from the Life of King David (Kansas City: Beacon Hill Press, 2016).

 

2 LIKES