Rizpah: A Mother's Day Requiem

Her story is one of the saddest in the Bible.

The story of Rizpah is told in 2 Samuel 3:6-11; 21:1-14.  Though only mentioned twice in the Bible, Rizpah demon­strates that the faithful devotion of a single individual can move the heart of a king. When her two sons are surrendered to the Gibeonites and subsequently executed, Rizpah can do nothing to help them; all she can do is preserve their dignity in death. She abandons everyone and ev­erything in her life, devoting herself to keeping a lonely vigil and protecting her loved ones in the only manner left to her.

Rizpah goes to the site of the execution and spreads sackcloth out for herself on a bare rock. Refusing to leave the bodies of her sons, she stubbornly protects the corpses from mo­lestation by wild animals by night and carrion-eating birds by day “from the beginning of the harvest till the rain poured down from the heavens on the bodies” (2 Samuel 21:10).

After months of horror, grief, and deprivation, word of Riz­pah’s long vigil reaches King David.  The king’s heart is touched by her devotion and commitment. Though she is a woman with few rights and little power, Rizpah displays a courage and loyalty after the death of her sons that captures the attention of the king of Israel.  Rizpah stands out as a woman of faithfulness in a story dominated by men who are not always faithful. Her heart-moving example of fidelity, even under hope­less and desperate conditions, influences the king.  When David learns of her courage, he orders that the remains Rizpah has protected be gathered up and gives them an honorable burial.

Rizpah’s tenacity and faithful devotion provide an example for all who are inclined to give up when the going gets tough. Out of loving concern she tolerates bad weather, cold, fatigue, and wild animals to protect the bodies of her dead sons. She withstands the unthinkable. Her story is tragic, her response memorable.

Rizpah’s story speaks to parents who have lost children, ac­knowledging the reality of their indescribable pain. Rizpah’s months of mourning are significant and necessary, and finally lead to a time when she leaves her place of bereavement and returns to life at home.

Leaders can learn something from Rizpah: Faithfulness is not conditioned by circumstances or fortunes. Faithfulness is an un­conditional commitment to do what is right regardless of the cost or the circumstances. Faithfulness can be evidenced best in the tragic circumstances of our lives.

Rizpah is never mentioned anywhere else in the Bible, and we do not hear of her again. However, her story remains an example of love, and of loyalty and faithfulness being rewarded.  Her un­failing love inspires compassion in the heart of a king.  And her example of devo­tion is still worth following.

Excerpt taken from Who’s By Your Side? More Leadership Lessons from the Life of King David (Kansas City: Beacon Hill Press, 2016). 

Changing a Toxic Climate

Recent reports about key personalities in news organizations being caught up in issues of sexual harassment and abuse have reminded me of the sordid story of Amnon and Tamar found in 2 Samuel 13.

It is hard to imagine any more privileged position in the kingdom than that which Tamar occupied. The beautiful, articulate daughter of King David, Tamar was dressed in finery, served by attendants, and admired by many. Her future was bright and promising.

That all changed the day she becomes the victim of an assault by her brother, Amnon.  Tamar’s story mirrors the stories of many who have felt powerless and stigmatized as victims of violence. Tamar is first victimized by the rape itself, and then her injus­tice is perpetuated by a society that allows a man to get away with rape, while a woman who is an innocent victim bears the shame and disgrace.

Most distressing is the fact that, thousands of years later, this kind of injustice still happens. There are numerous stories—too many to count—of people who have been violated by family, friends, or strangers, scarred by the trauma of the experience, and then forced to bear the unfortunate and inappropriate rejection of friends, family, or society.

Telling and hearing stories like this can be difficult. However, when such stories are untold and unheard, a toxic atmosphere can be created where abuse festers and continues unchallenged. The rape of Tamar and the subsequent murder of Amnon are both violent, hateful acts. We need to acknowledge the fact that sometimes our stories—as individuals, families, and even as people of faith—are similar. It is important to tell Tamar’s story because her story belongs to many people who are the victims of sexual abuse.

The suffering of victims is often compounded by the response, or the lack of response, of leaders. To ignore victimhood is to con­done the crime that caused it. Victims need to be acknowledged, defended, protected, and nurtured toward health and wholeness.  The first step toward healing is being heard. It is often difficult for victims to tell their stories—because of pride, embarrassment, or a felt need for self-protection. Such transparency puts victims, once again, in a vulnerable place. Those who care enough to lis­ten to such stories need to do so in the kind of setting and with the kind of sensitivity that creates a safe place.

The healing journey from abuse can be a lonely one. Victims may feel that no one else could possibly understand what they have been through and felt. When we listen to victims, we demonstrate that we value them as individuals, affirm their personhood, and acknowledge that they deserve justice.

In many cases, once leaders listen, they will also need to take action, especially when they have the moral duty and positional authority to respond. Such action often includes immediate steps to safeguard the victim, reporting the alleged crime to the prop­er legal authorities for investigation, limiting the potential for additional harmful actions, and gaining medical and/or emotional assistance for the victim.

Leaders have a responsibility to seek justice for those who are oppressed and not to ignore the wrongs suffered by victims of violence, injustice, or oppression. When leaders ignore the offenses inflicted upon innocent victims, the silence and inaction com­pounds their suffering and make it easier for injustice to spread.

Leaders seek justice by ensuring that the perpetrators of violence and harm are held accountable for their actions. Leaders extend grace by acknowledging that people have been wronged and by working for their restored health and wholeness.

Excerpts taken from Who’s By Your Side? More Leadership Lessons from the Life of King David (Kansas City: Beacon Hill Press, 2016). 

Dad, Amtrak, and Americana

For the last few years I have given my Dad Christmas presents of train trips.  We've done Kansas City to Albuquerque and back in a sleeper car, Kansas City to St. Louis and back on the Missouri River Runner, and Kansas City to Chicago and back on the Southwest Chief.

My dad loves trains.  He grew up within sight of railroad tracks, although in East Bank, WV, it was much more common to see coal cars than passenger cars.  As a teenage paperboy, dad won a trip to New York City - by train - and I think that cemented his love for the railroad.  The Christmas present idea was borne a few years ago when I noticed he had subscribed to a train magazine.  

This trip we saw lots of farmland in northern Missouri, southeast Iowa, and northern Illinois.  I am always surprised at the people you meet on a train.  We enjoyed pleasant conversations with people as diverse as an older Amish couple and a pair of twenty-something Cubs fans from Tulsa who were headed to Chicago for opening day.  

Where else, besides an Amtrak train, are you going to learn that Mendoza, IL is "the best little town in America," that Galesburg, IL is the hometown of Carl Sandburg, and that Amtrak is second only to horse and buggy as the transportation mode of choice for anyone Amish.

My dad usually brings a map and likes to spend time in the lounge car, where he finds those oversized windows irresistible.  He loves it.  I love it that he loves it.  He takes it all in - the wind turbines, the lay of the land, the farms, the small towns, the flocks of turkeys.  He enjoys the rocking of the train like some people enjoy the opera or the symphony.

While in Chicago we checked out Navy Pier, walked the Magnificent Mile, and took in the sights, sounds, and tastes (can you say Ghirardelli chocolate) of the city.  And we talked.  Not much (both of us are born listeners), but enough.

In a world filled with buzzing phones, incessant social media, and talking heads, a train ride is an escape to reality.  Observe creation.  Take a nap.  Read a book.  Have a conversation.  Write a blog. Listen to yourself breathe as the ground slips by.

I can't wait to see what Dad gets for Christmas this year.

Assumptions

Assumptions are the often rotten fruit borne of taking something or someone for granted, or supposing a thing without proof.  They can be the result of lazy thinking and an unwillingness to explore other options.  Assumptions are dangerous because they can limit possibilities, stifle creativity, and shroud the truth.

A few weeks ago I learned a lesson about assumptions while waiting for Diane at a hotel restaurant.  Early that morning I went for a walk, with the understanding that Diane would join me for breakfast in an hour.  I arrived on time.  Diane wasn’t there.  Several minutes later I was still waiting, assuming that Diane had misunderstood.  “She must be waiting in the room for me,” I concluded, lamenting that I would need to leave my hot tea and comfortable chair to go get her.  Just then she entered the restaurant.  As it turned out, Diane had hoped to surprise me by waiting in the lobby for me to come in from my walk, but I entered the hotel through a different door.

Obviously, there could have been many reasons why Diane did not meet me in the restaurant at the arranged time.  But I was content to settle on the first explanation that crossed my mind.  I assumed. 

To assume is to stop thinking when we arrive at a conceivable explanation, rather than taking the time and energy to explore other possibilities.  Lazy thinking encourages us to be content with the first option, rather than making certain we have discovered the verifiable explanation.  When assumptions start, open minds close and thoughtful questions cease.

Fortunately, this particular assumption was set straight in a matter of minutes.  I wonder about other faulty assumptions I have made that have yet to be recognized and corrected.

Don’t assume the initial option is the only possibility and get trapped by your assumption.  Take the time to ask questions.  Leave the options open, explore the possibilities, discover the truth. 

What Two Weeks on Crutches Has Taught Me

I recently underwent a knee operation.  It is important that I tell you it was a sports injury (that makes me sound younger and more athletic than I really am).  Actually, one of two things happened.  Either I tweaked it on a 5-day hike of the Pacific Crest Trail several months ago then really did a number on it running a half-marathon in November; or, I have had my foot in my mouth so many times recently that a meniscus tear and cartilage damage has resulted.  In either case, after several painful weeks of thinking, “This will get better,” an examination, an x-ray, an MRI, another examination, and a shot, it was determined that surgery was needed.  The procedure went well, although it was more extensive than originally thought.  Instead of walking out of the hospital a few hours after surgery, I received a sentence of 4 weeks on crutches and 2 weeks without driving.

I have learned a few lessons over the last two weeks:

·      Good health insurance is a blessing.  Navigating the health care industry as a patient has been relatively painless. Also a blessing is the fact that there are a lot of nice people in the health care industry.  Every doctor, nurse, receptionist, therapist, and volunteer I encountered has been helpful, compassionate, and kind.  

·      Diane is a rare blend of saint and Marine drill sergeant.

·      Sometimes you just have to ask for help. I spent 15 minutes in an airport lounge trying to figure out how to get a plate of food, while on crutches.  I finally realized that short of balancing it on my head it wasn't going to happen. Sometimes you just have to ask for help.

·      People look at you differently when you are on crutches or in a wheelchair. Folks who would otherwise notice you, don't. Folks that normally wouldn’t notice you, do.

·      It is possible to preach on one leg if you lean against the pulpit just right.

·      When you encounter a person with true empathy, they stand out.  They are the people who anticipate your need, ask how you are doing, and offer to assist you.  My empathy for those who are disabled has increased exponentially.  

·      Patience is a difficult virtue to learn.  I have failed several lessons in that subject over the last two weeks.

·      I've taken mobility for granted.  When you don’t have it, you become acutely aware of the blessing of simply being able to get around.

·      You don’t need two good legs to kayak (two good arms will do).  However, getting into a kayak can be very awkward without two good legs.

·      It can be difficult to follow Doctor's orders.

·      It is in my best interest to follow Diane's orders. (Did I mention that she is a rare blend of Marine drill sergeant and saint?)

I see the doctor again tomorrow.  I’m hoping for early parole and the reinstatement of my driving privileges.  If that happens, I’m headed to a buffet where I can express my new-found freedom by filling my own dinner plate.

Growing Old, Growing Cold

The tendency when one “grows old” is to “grow cold.”  As people grow old, their ability to stay warm often wanes. The el­derly frequently seek increased warmth—warmer homes, warmer clothes, warmer hearts. The same was true of King David. When he became old, he became cold. Not even a pile of heavy quilts and down comforters could keep David warm. So the king’s at­tendants began a search throughout Israel for a beautiful, young virgin to care for the king as his personal nurse and to keep him warm at night.

Abishag, from Shunem, was chosen on account of her youth and beauty.  It is important to note that the Bible specif­ically states that the relationship was not sexual.  Abishag was a nurse rather than a lover, and she waited on King David as his personal caregiver.  In short, Abishag gave comfort and eased David’s last days.

As leaders age, the importance of warmth becomes very sig­nificant.  But bodies are not the only things that can grow cold. Emotions can grow cold, as can passion, relationships, and the soul. A warm environment, warm relationships, and warm mem­ories are important to keep us from growing cold.

Wise leaders will monitor the intensity of their personal ardor, giving attention to the kinds of activities and attitudes that will continue to bring warmth and vibrancy to the soul as one ages. Many experienced leaders find mentoring and coaching relation­ships with emerging leaders help keep their own leadership fires stoked. Lifelong learning is also a strategy for adding fuel to the fire.  There is no good reason to allow yourself to grow cold as you grow old.

Leadership Lesson #90.  Excerpted from: Who’s Got Your Back? Leadership Lessons from the Life of King David (Kansas City: Beacon Hill Press, 2014)